I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
