At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
