Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
