My Higher Power is John Stamos
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
