I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
