Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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