My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
