Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
