i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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