i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
