well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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