We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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