yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
