He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
