She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
