some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
