Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
