I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
