I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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