I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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