I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
