My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
