You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
