Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
