that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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