Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
