i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Randomize
