i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He passed out mid-signature
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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