is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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