i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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