It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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