I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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