this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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