Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
