I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
