Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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