T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
