sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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