i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
