If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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