shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
