i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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