I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
