drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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