I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
