Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
