i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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