oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
