So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
