he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
