id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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