I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
