Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
