he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
