My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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