take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
