I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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