I wannas sexs uuuuu
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
