I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
